A friend once told me “Wes, Jesus didn’t even start his ministry until he was 30. He spent 30 years of his life preparing for just 3 years of his life. Don’t worry about getting started now, when the time is right it will happen.”
With that being said, Dreaming Pt.5
I was being put back together. Like somewhere between Humpty Dumpty and the Six Million Dollar Man I was being resembled and made stronger. I was doing what I needed to do which just live life, no pressure, just living.
I remember earlier on in this journey I accidently downloaded a book thanks to “1 touch” purchases or something like that called The Smallest Book to Happiness, I think. I didn’t want the book but since I now owned it I might as well read it. Surprisingly the book wasn’t bad. Short and simple. What I pulled away from it was this; success and happiness have a common denominator and that is the support of friends and family. That’s what I needed. That’s what I wanted.
I spent much of the last couple of years just making friends while on the inside figuring out who I wanted to be. Knowing why we believe what we believe is critical to us in the end living that out and ultimately discovering who we are, knowing truth genuinely frees us. What I came up with is more than anything love is our most important possession, if we have love for ourselves and others we are free from so much of what is binding. Letting go of the bitterness, unforgiveness, and disappointment is not always easy but always rewarding. A big testament to that was being reconnected with my father after 20+ years with no communication. When I was younger I was angry with him and his decision to stop contact me but when we first spoke for the first time, he began apologizing for not being there all those years and crying asking for forgiveness. If not for the realization of the importance of love I would not been able to forgive and reestablish him as the man that if not for his effort I would not be here today.
If you read the article that was published through GoodGuySwag.com you will also know that in this journey I endured some heart ache along the way, what many did not know is that the relationship I referred to was one just from the beginning of this year. Oddly, a friend saw the end of the relationship coming and told me it was going to end, though at the time it was the last thing I wanted it kind of prepared me. During times like this you find out who your friends are and what you are made of. I guess in a way I was given the opportunity to test the work of the people counseling me and my new version of myself.
When I was attempting to create Dream But Don’t Sleep I kept trying to divide myself into who I was as a minister and who I was becoming. I wanted to present principals I found in the Christian faith and teachings into people’s life but in a new way where that it did not carry the immediate offense that comes with the bible and its teachings. It did not work. Which I think only added to the brokenness I had within me, I already did not feel whole during my emotional breakdown and me doing this to myself was not helping. Through all of this mess I came out alive and stronger as a person. I was more whole. So when that relationship ended there was an unexpected turnout.
I catapulted forward in my life and goals from the ending of that relationship, this has no bearing on the girl, and I simply made a decision. I chose to stay true to myself and not grow bitter or angry and especially to not let the feeling of loss cripple me. In other words, to borrow a phrase from The Outsiders, I chose to stay gold. I made it my motto so much that I added it to my tattoo collection. Moving forward I am restarting my pursuit to become certified for Consulting and Life Coaching, I start my first course this week actually. As I stated in my 4 Steps article with GoodGuySwag.com I surrounded myself with my friends, I picked up my hobbies I enjoy so much, and what is craziest of all the things that happened from all these changes is I have unexpectedly begun a relationship that I am completely excited about with the most astounding girl. Neither of us was looking for it (isn’t that all these stories start) but we connected really well and decided that it was just so crazy it made sense.
Living life is not always easy. There were moments I remember just looking at my life and asking how did I get to such a broken place and I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. There came a point where I had to stop blaming people, events, and circumstances for the life I have now and take control of my own life. I lived some of my dreams and some are in the making and some I have yet to dream. Do not give up no matter what! If you are going through hell, keep driving and eventually you will exit. Keep dreaming, keep chasing the impossible, and keep loving.