Vulnerability is scary.
To open yourself up and show the place in your heart where you hurt is not comfortable, it requires the ability to feel safe and valued. Really it takes intimacy with someone in order to remove the mask and allow them to see the beautiful mess that you are.
I think it is easier for people to process being angry than it is being hurt but the funny thing about anger is, anger is pain being blamed on someone or something.
Intimacy and sex are two different things. They are often confused or made to be similes.
A lot of people describe intimacy as IN TO ME YOU SEE meaning you are allowing someone to see into who you are and what the internal processes that make you you.
See where this is going?
When you are looking for reasons to be upset with someone there is a good chance you just may find them. Sometimes there is a reason and sometimes there is no reason but already a wound. Having a wound from someone whether it is a friend, family member, significant other, or even a stranger can cause a skewed perception of the reality of the situation. It is even harder if you consider that person to be close to you. Nonetheless your judgment is clouded. The feelings of betrayal are present and the idea of being hurt is too much so there must be something they have done to piss you off and you will find it!
But I think there are some things we need to consider before we go on a witch hunt looking for this supposed evil deed.
Here are some questions to ask before responding to that pain:
1. What am I really feeling? This is important because we need to identify with ourselves the real emotion. Though we feel anger it really could be remorse, loss, or guilt that we are feeling. Once we can identify the emotion then we can also take ownership of that feeling.
2. What is my history with this person? When we have history with someone it allows us to use that as a guide to determine their intentions. This also provides the opportunity to see the nature of the relationship.
3. Do I feel like my emotions are valued? If we do not feel that our emotions are being valued than we see it as a waist of energy or being pointless in any attempt in conveying them. This will add to the fire already burning inside and further hinder us from really reaching a place of internal peace.
4. Do I value this relationship? If the relationship is not something that we value then why are giving it this much weight or allowing ourselves to be effected by it so much? So let’s be honest with ourselves, we do value this person in our lives. Once we can admit that we value the person then we can come to point in seeing the purpose in being vulnerable.
5. What Happen? Do I even remember why I am angry or hurt? More than likely if we cannot remember why are hurting or are angry than it was just a bad day already for us. Holding onto pain or anger for principal’s sake is not healthy nor beneficial.